mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
