WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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