Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
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