my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
