goodnight i made you a song goodbye
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
