I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
