dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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