She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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