I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
They left me at home... I'm a liability
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
