addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
