I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize