U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
