I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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