I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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