I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize