I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
