At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
