It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
