i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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