In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
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