He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
