Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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