If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
