gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
