I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
