Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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