I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
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