I am puke
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
try to milk me bitch
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