maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
