you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
