I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
