Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Randomize
