dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
