I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
