I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
this just has baby written all over it
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
did you just send me my own nude
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
