I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
