what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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