Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
