we're chasing vodka with high fives
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
