I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
