Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
