the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Sober January is a disaster.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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