this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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