true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
