end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
areolas are like halos for boobs.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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