This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
