I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
