You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Randomize
