Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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