theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Randomize
