dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
