he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Randomize
