I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
