I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
only if we run a train.
done.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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