ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
