You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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