Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
