I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
