Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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