that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(