I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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