Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
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making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
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He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap