How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
These 21 Drunks Said The Darndest Things
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays