I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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